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Speaking the Truth in Love
- Jan 31, 2010 | Dr. Teri Thomas
- Passage: Jeremiah 1:4-10
Almost 2 years ago I went for my annual check up with my oncologist. The nurse took all my vitals and then the nurse practitioner was getting my history and she looked at my chart and she looked at me and finally she said, “You know Teri, it would be a real shame to beat breast cancer and then die of heart disease because you are over weight.”
My first response was anger. I glared at her. I fumed all the way home. I kept replaying the words in my head wishing I had said something snappy in return. How could she be so rude and so tactless? She’s a member of a Presbyterian Church and we had talked about that. How could she be so nasty to a pastor? I thought about calling the doctor and complaining.
Then about 48 hours later I began to hear what she said to me. You had a disease that could kill you and you beat it. Now you have another disease and you need to focus on that. I began to think about my health and all the ailments I was simply chalking up to the aging process. She was right.
So I went to a weight loss doctor, a nutritionist and a trainer and said I would do whatever they told me to do for one year. For the first time in my life my weight is now in the healthy range and I feel wonderful. All because someone had the courage to speak the truth to me in love.
Speaking the truth in love. It sounds nice and wonderful.
But let’s be honest, it is very difficult and often painful.
Have you ever been the one everyone came to and said-
She has body odor. Someone needs to tell her. You do it.
Or- He talks too much and ruins the meeting for everyone else. You tell him.
Everyone comes to you and says, “Do something. Talk to them.”
We may have more reason than anyone to want the problem corrected.
But we also had more to risk.
If we made them angry we would be the one to pay.
Speaking the truth in love. Risky business.
Jeremiah knew that.
God came to him and said,
“Go out there and speak the words I give you.”
Jeremiah knew the words would be truth if they came from God.
he also knew they might not be well received by the people.
When you tear down preconceived assumptions,
when you rip up comfortable understandings,
when you destroy the accepted norms of the people you are taking a huge risk.
Jeremiah knew that prophets were not often well liked and were frequently attacked or punished for the message they delivered. So he was not eager to take the job God offered.
Speaking the truth in love. Risky business.
Jesus knew it too.
He spoke to those in his hometown.
He told them what he had come to do and they became excited.
Wow, good news for us, healing for us, release for us, Jesus has come home to take care of us.
But then Jesus had to say- no, not for you.
Jesus is talking about the Jubilee.
This was a part of their religious tradition.
People had heard of it for ages, taught it, preached it, believed it,
and waited for it. Servants would be freed. Land would be restored. Debts would be forgiven.
Now Jesus says, the time is at hand. The Jubilee is now.
But the folks realize the truth in this promise. That the Good News isn't going to be "good" for everybody, at least not those who own the slaves, make their profit from the land, hold the debts.
Jesus is run out of town, run out by friends and neighbors and family, chased out to the cliff where they tried to kill him.
Speaking the truth in love. Doesn’t make you popular.
We hate the truth, and people hide it from us;
we want to be flattered, and people flatter us;
we like being deceived, and we are deceived. (Pascal)
The deceptions we particularly seem to want are those that comfort, insulate, legitimate, and provide ready excuses for inaction. (McEntyre)
Speaking the truth in love.
It is not that simple.
There is lots of speaking going on these days
where folks think they are speaking the truth.
But it isn’t always truthful and it isn’t often loving.
Paul encountered that in Corinth and he wrote to that church.
We know how people can be hurt by the church.
Sometimes this hurt is institutional, and other times it's the work of individuals.
There are countless thousands who have left their childhood faith
not because of intellectual doubt but because they were not loved there.
Perhaps they felt judged, excluded, or insulted. Perhaps their gifts were not recognized, or perhaps they felt misunderstood.
What Paul is telling the Corinthians and those of us here at Northminster
is that our church ought to be a place of love,
and the love we offer should be a spiritual gift in itself,
a gift of healing and hope, a promise of what could yet be in their lives,
and in the life of the church because they are now there, too.
The healing that we need involves may require the naming of insults and offenses, holding one another accountable, clarifying where there is confusion, and correcting where there is error.
We must acknowledge the we each speak the truth from our own perspective and the reality is we can only see one side of the elephant at a time. We need to remember that Truth is many sided and it is relational. It always invites us back for another look.
Speaking the truth in love.
it can become a way of life
When we talk to our children or our partners or our parents,
when we discuss the church building and the mission budget
when we debate health care, Guantanamo, or Afghanistan,
The questions we need to ask are not about the other person and thhier position. We need to ask about ourselves. What are my responsibilities as a citizen? As a person of faith? What am I trying to protect? What limits my vision of the truth? Have I even tried to imagine how someone could see this from a different perspective?
When we speak the truth in love we focus lovingly on the health of the community. We seek peace as well as truth. We must listen with all our might. We must be willing to lay aside our desire to be right and pray instead to be faithful.
9Then the LORD put out his hand and touched your mouth; and the LORD said to you, “Now I have put my words in your mouth. 10See, today I appoint you over nations and over kingdoms, to pluck up and to pull down, to destroy and to overthrow, to build and to plant.”
Thanks be to God.
Amen.
Resource: Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies by Marilyn Chandler McEntyre (Eerdmans, 2009)
Sermons
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Speaking the Truth in Love
- Aug 2, 2009 | Dr. Teri Thomas
- Passage: Ephesians 4:1-16
Last week we looked at the story of David and Bathsheba and that often ignored subject of sin.
I suggested that we all sin – why?
“Because we can?
Because we are bored?
Because it serves our purpose at the moment.
Because everyone else does it and it is really pretty much accepted.
Because we think we are independent
And responsible for only ourselves.
Because we think we accomplish what we do by our own ability
And for our own use.
Because pride and power goes to our head.
Because really, who is going to know anyway?”
But sin is not the end of our story, just as it was not the end of David’s.
In this morning’s reading David receives a visit from his friend Nathan. Nathan proceeds to share a parable about two men, one rich and one very poor. The rich man had many flocks and sheep and goats and herds. The poor man had only one lamb which he dearly cherished treated like a member of the family. But when the rich man had a guest arrive he stole the poor man’s lamb and prepared it for dinner. David blew his stack at the account. “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserved to die; and he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing and because he had no pity.”
At that point all Nathan had to say was “David, you are the man.”
Sometimes telling the truth can be risky. It takes courage because it can result in hurt feelings, broken relationships, bruised egos or even broken bodies. Nathan had the courage to approach David and speak the truth. David needed to hear what Nathan had to say but not just anyone can say that to a King. Yet, if a person as good and strong and faithful as David can sink into the depths of sin that led him to adultery and deception and murder, what is to prevent us from self-deception as well?
Self-deception occurs when people who are committed to certain values act against those values while convincing themselves that they are doing nothing wrong. Self-deception lurks in denials, rationalizations, cover-ups, justifications, excuses, attributions of blame and evasions of responsibility.
We see it in the person with an eating disorder who denies there is a problem, the alcoholic who insists drinking is simply a way to relax after a hard day at the office, the pastor who blames the congregation, not her preaching, when members sleep in the pews.
(April 29, 1987 The Christian CENTURY On Honesty and Self-Deception: 'You Are the Man'
LLOYD H. STEFFEN )
Self-deception is a defensive maneuver. It allows us to do things we know at some level we should not be doing and then it allows us to blame someone or something else for our own behavior. In the end, our self-deception is our attempt to deceive God. When we believe we are something we are not, when we convince ourselves that we have done all that God requires, then we are lying not only to ourselves but to God.
As a faithful friend and servant Nathan was determined not to let David ruin his life and his relationship with God. So Nathan reminded David of his core values, his faith, his basic beliefs
and how he had acted against them.
Where are our Nathans? Nathan risked his life approaching the king as he did. Who has the courage to be that honest with us? To point out our failures to be honest with ourselves? To speak to us, even at personal risk? People who love us so much they are willing to risk losing the relationship in order to restore our relationship with God. I think those folks are few and far between.
We know folks who stand on principle. When things aren’t right they are compelled to speak out. They don’t worry about feelings as much as they worry about ideals. They have conviction, which is good and we need that, but unchecked that honesty can lead to hardness of heart,
fanaticism, and hateful attacks.
We also know folks who are big on love and encouragement. They empathize and sympathize, and commiserate. They are less concerned with standards and more concerned with acceptance. They have a gift for seeing the essential oneness of humanity and that is very good, we need that. But such compassion, left unchecked can lead to sloppy soft-headedness
that simply accepts the wrongs that need to be challenged.
Most of us lean to one side or the other and only through wisdom and experience can we learn to balance the love and the truth in a way that pleases God. When we look at Nathan we see that balance. He was committed to David and even more so to God. His communication was built on relationship. The purpose was not to condemn or attack David but for his lasting good.
He was convinced that David’s faith was more important than his power. Being a child of God was more significant than being the King of Israel. Nathan approached David in humility and friendship, not arrogance or finger pointing. He had grace in his heart so that he could speak with grace.
This is a great story about awful sin and awesome redemption. We read these stories because sometimes we can see ourselves in them and learn. Not always, not in every story, but sometimes. And when we hear one of these stories and we recognize ourselves, it just may be the voice of God saying, “You are the one.” “You are the man.” “You are the woman.”
Amen
