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Here’s a challenge. Pick up a magazine or watch TV or engage on social media without running across something related to the benefits of self-care: meditation, mindfulness, yoga, etc, etc, etc. It sounds great. We are exhausted and stressed and know that we need it, yet when we start investigating, it all seems intimidating - too many odd words, too much sitting still, too much twisting around, too time-consuming. Most of the time, it just feels like one more thing to do. We long for the comfort that self-care promises. Something about it seems like home, but we struggle to find the path that leads there.

Maybe we are looking for the turnoff in the wrong place. What do Christians already know? How about looking in the Bible at Matthew 22 or Mark 12?  Mark (NIV) says, “…Love your neighbor as yourself.” Other translations make it even more explicit, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.”  Did you catch it? We spend a LOT of time dwelling on the first part of verse - the neighbor part. But what about the second part? Jesus was really crafty here. Or, maybe it just seemed so obvious to him that he tossed it away. We must love ourselves first. Love. The real thing. Toward ourselves. The way we love others is a reflection of the love we show ourselves. No wonder there is so much hate, impatience, intolerance, and polarization in the world. How can we possibly love anyone else, if we are mired in our own shame and self-loathing? This is where we must start, though. We must admit the truth of who and where we are.

Our culture, and often even our religious practices, may be of little help here. Jesus was a Middle Easterner practicing and teaching an Eastern religion. We are Westerners who have appropriated this Eastern teaching and shaped it into something we can recognize. We have resisted the elements that do not reflect our culture. Eastern religious and spiritual practices like Buddhism, Hinduism, and yes, even authentic Christianity start with the self, with looking inward. Today in the West, we are all about looking outward, doing, working, striving, stressing, pressing forward toward a goal. We are focused outwardly. This is why we don’t regard the second part of the verse, yet the second part, the one about loving yourself first, is an undeniable Christian mandate that is impossible to carry out without being still and looking inward. Jesus was only preaching what was and is already a familiar, integrated practice in the Eastern world.

It’s interesting to note that breath and spirit are the same word in the “mother” languages of many Eastern practices including Sanskrit, the language of yoga. This must be what draws us to the paths of self-care. We sense with our intuition and know from the teachings that Spirit is ever present and all-encompassing. Furthermore, it is essential to life that we embody it. Whether we are conscious of it or not, when we breathe, we internalize Spirit. We inhale before we exhale otherwise there is nothing to exhale! Moving inward is necessary before we can move outward. And yet, we spend lifetimes holding our breath, repressing and avoiding ourselves with constant, external distractions. “Love your neighbor” becomes an excuse to avoid our pain. When we are still and focused inward, it rises to the surface. We encounter ourselves. Be still and know, right? It’s scary, and it's the beginning of “love yourself.”

Loving yourself, accepting yourself, encountering the Spirit starts with the act of breathing.  It doesn’t have to be fancy breath or some mystic meditation. Just breathe and notice that you are breathing. That is mindfulness. It’s as simple as that. It doesn’t take any extra time to notice something that you are already doing, but it takes patience and self-acceptance not to run away. It’s ok to be uncomfortable. It’s ok to squirm. As a matter of fact, it would be weird otherwise!

Dr. Joan Borysenko (Google her. She is amazing.) offers a simple exercise for entering the practice of self-love: Sit comfortably and breathe normally and slowly, equal parts inhale and exhale. Close your eyes and place your hands over your heart. Breathe. Imagine that you are holding a tiny, beautiful, newborn baby, and you are loving it with every bit of energy and attention you can muster. Breathe. Now, imagine the baby is you.

Be still. Breathe. Love. Don’t be afraid. You already embody the Spirit.

Namaste.

Originally published July 30, 2020, updated October 2026. Cover Image: "Pillar of Love" by Barbara Eichner-Shaw

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